community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize