So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
