and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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