no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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