weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
