yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
