Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
