Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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