I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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