My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize