i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
