I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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