Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
