I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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