ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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