I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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