Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair

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(601): View more from Mississippi

i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"

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(209): View more from California

it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits

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(847): View more from Illinois

She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!

(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.

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(585): View more from New York

My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign

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