I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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