You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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