the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
worst night to have a conscience
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
