Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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