Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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