these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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