I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
