I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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