There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
