Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
