your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
