He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
