Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
