I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
