I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Operation Purity has been aborted
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
