i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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