question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
