i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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