Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Couch. On fire.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
