Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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