oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
