Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
