Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
