Can i not drive my cunt home
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
