and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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