He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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