Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
