So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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