So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize