this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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