i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
