I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
