so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
