If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
