I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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