I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
