You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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