I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
