i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
