giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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