Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
And then he peed in my hair
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