I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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