he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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