i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
