Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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