super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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