TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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